Shawn and Scott present: Dating Advice

No matter how hard you try, you will always find yourself locked into combat with an individual other. This combat is part of a war that consists of long talks in the car, taking frequent "walks", kissing, and the oh-so pretentious date. This  is known as the "relationship," and due to our expertise, we have decided you help you novice daters out. We have jointly composed a step by step guide to instigate a spark between you and that special someone this coming tuesday, which happens to be Valentines. You could call us the real-life version of Hitch, only there are two of us, and we are not black....yet. You may call us from henceforth, "The Dating Gurus."

Step 1: Acquiring the date
First when pursuing someone for a date, it is often times in your best interest to have showered recently and to be wearing some type of deodorizer. Sounds Simple enough, but you have gots to be smellin' fresh. Next confidence is crucial. Don't be afraid to be bold, and get straight to the point with whoever you have in your sights. Finally, and this part is rather important, do not forget to ask the interest on a date! Otherwise these other steps will be no good for you at all. It'll be like that time Shawn and Scott planned a date and then remembered they actually needed dates to go on that date (what a night).

Step 2: Picking up your date/getting picked up by your date
Dress to impress. There is absolutely no harm in being over dressed for your date. It makes them show that you actually care about them, and took the time to clean up a bit. (Also girls dig flowers and one of the best places to get flowers for cheap is at the Cemetery...that is if you have absolutely no conscience)  Always start off the date with a hug, because it is friendly, and it also means you cant go backwards in "The Action Progression," which sets yourself up well for Step 4. Note: Choose music that your date will enjoy, this probably means no heavy metal, hardcore rap, or country (unless of course they enjoy one of those genres), after all, it's not ALL about you.

Step 3: The Date
Depending on the activity and who else you are with other than your date, the date can vary along what we like to call the "Date Activity Scale For How Fun or Lame Your Date May or May Not Be."

Level 1-
This is the Category in which the lame dates fall. These are dates where you go sit and someone's house, and "play games", but really you are just wasting your night away with pointless activities or trying to decide what you want to do. Never ask your date what they want to do, it shows you were too lazy to plan anything, or you were too busy slaying dragons in Skyrim, or breeding them in Dragonvale. Not Cool.

Level 2-
This Category is where the date could've been really good, but it just didn't quite come together. If you are in high school, a dance could fall in this category. It could be because your date didn't talk to you on the group date, but the actual date and group were fun, or some tragedy befell somebody in your group, i.e. a car accident, stolen phone, etc. Also, a lame dinner and movie might fall into this level, depending the venue and film. To define a good venue, please refer to our post about food. Yum.

Level 3-
Imagine you are on an island with very little food, but very fun people. Now, imagine that you are on a date, with very little food, and very fun people. This would define a level 3 date on the "Date Activity Scale For How Fun or Lame Your Date May or May Not Be" Scale. Sidenote: In case you haven't noticed, food is pretty important, for everyone. A good dinner with quality ice cream to follow will fall into this level. If you get a snuggle in, then it automatically qualifies as a Level 3 date. ;)

Level 4-
This is the cream of the crop, the Beard of Zeus as far as dates are concerned, and just a very solid night where everything goes according to plan no matter the activity. These nights are comprised of a hearty meal, good company, and a cute date who you are interested in. There is no determining factor to prevent a date from being a Level 4, but it has to be a fun and memorable night. You have to get along well with the date, and you know you get along well when you cannot have an awkward moment.

Step 3b (random hints)-
If you go to a carnival, be sure to win a stuffed animal for your date. This may require practice beforehand, so unless you are really savvy at those rigged games, go to the carnival before your date. If you are going to go bowling, be sure to let your date win one game, and then pummel them in the other(s). If your date is a romantic and for some reason chose to do a picnic in the park on Valentines Day, be sure to dress warm.

Step 4: The Exit Strategy-
The Exit Strategy is simple, and will automatically give you the coveted "4" on the"Date Activity Scale For How Fun or Lame Your Date May or May Not Be" scale. What happens at the exit, stays at the exit (unless you go to Olympus High School, then everyone will know about it the next day). Before you decide on which "exit" move to initiate (and we know you know what we mean by "exit" move), you need to determine where your date falls on the "Hot/Crazy Scale" (see figure 1)

The crazier they are, the hotter they better be

This is Figure 1 by the way.

If you have determined that your date is a good combination on the "Hot/Crazy Scale," then you may want to initiate an "exit" move, which, if you haven't figured it out by now, is hugging/handshake/kissing/staying sassy farewell. Only one person has been lucky enough to have the "Staying Sassy Farewell." Don't ask Shawn about that one.

We wish you luck in your dating endeavors, and please give "The Dating Gurus" credit in your victory on the dating war-zone. 

.....Stay Sassy Minions, and make good, wise, comfortable, educated, clean, sophisticated decisions. 

Over and Out.