Shawn and Scott Present: Dinner Party Etiquette

Sorry for the break folks, but we are back and better than ever. We have been involved with all sorts of fun and interesting activities that we would love to share with you, but we are not in that type of mood today. Today our thoughts are much more sincere and focused. We would like to discuss proper Dinner Party Etiquette.

We recently attended a lovely afternoon party, and we noticed some terrible faults with the system that is a simple dinner party. We were in a group of people that consisted of around 25 people of all ages. To be blunt, it was pretty awkward, but that fueled the entertainment and humor of this party. You see, there are ALWAYS stereotypical types of people at these types of occasions. We'd like to characterize these people and give you a little advice on how to associate with these (quote) "monkeys."

The Goon:


Our first specimen is what we like to call, "The Goon." This person appears occasionally in the general audience of the party, but for the most part, remains behind the scenes. We don't really know what they do away from the crowd, but they sure spend a lot of time doing whatever it is they do (in our case they were the silent type that was hoarding food). There is no definite way to solve a Goon problem, but they are not harmful to the party. It is not a contagious condition, but we recommend you keep your distance all the same.

The Monopoly Man: 


Folks, hold onto your trousers, you're in for a rare specimen which we definitely spotted! In order to make sure that you have indeed sited a monopoly man, go through this checklist:

1. A monopoly man wears a suit/trousers
2. Has a very impressive Mustache
3. Is over the age of 60*
4. Appears to be wealthy
5. Appears to be Jolly

*If they are under 50, but look like they could be 60, this is acceptable.

A monopoly man MUST meet all requirements. They are especially rare, so be sure to take your picture with one if you come upon the rare occurrence of meeting such a jolly fellow.

Mr. Bigshot: 

Everyone knows who this guy is. He is the guy who is loud, obnoxious, and generally hangs out in an area where he will come in contact with a large number of people. Keep in mind, this could be a woman. We don't believe in limits by gender (at least in this case). This person will try to have lengthy conversation with you about how great they are. You will be sick of them after approximately 10 minutes. They get old real fast. The way to get away from this person is to ignore them, and walk away. Just say no. Then again, hurling something at this person will also convey the message that you don't want to talk, only in a different, more direct way. 

Awkward Family Members:

Next, we have the family. Who are only invited via obligations. They are extremely easy to spot in the party habitat. They stick out like a red otter on a cold January morning...in the northwestern hemisphere when it is winter-time. We all know who they are, there is always those family members that just love to be a part of things, and there is really, no hope for them, and especially no hope for you if you find yourself locked into conversation with them. Our advice: AVOID AT ALL COSTS. They are like snakes, they don't want anything to do with you, and you don't want anything to do with them. And boom, the dynamite goes.

The Facilitator:

There is no escaping this person. You are his/her prey, because you, my friend(s), are at his/her party. The Facilitator can either be very, very, obnoxious, or very oblivious. It depends on the venue of the party and the personality of the host/hostess. The Facilitator will do one of two things; they will either check on you every couple minutes to see if your whims are cared for, or they will be ignoring all but a few of their guests, associating with a select few guests. The first is nervous about how the guests receive the party, and the second doesn't care any more and just wants to have a good time. Both can be good things, and both can also be equally bad. And when we say bad, we mean as bad as a mentally challenged bull who thinks he can tap dance. Nothing good will come of it and it is dangerous because of the bull's nasty temper. 

We hope you enjoy the revival of our blog, and that you find our dinner party survival tips useful. Even though it was mostly warnings, but you won't have even noticed until you have read this very sentence. So read it again, and look for warnings. Because we are much to lazy to fix the beginning of this post.

We want to go on a bicycle ride now, and none of you can stop us. 

Toodles!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Many Adventures of Shawn and Scott: Shawn and Scott present: Dating Advice

The Many Adventures of Shawn and Scott: Shawn and Scott present: Dating Advice: No matter how hard you try, you will always find yourself locked into combat with an individual other. This combat is part of a war that con...

Shawn and Scott present: Dating Advice

No matter how hard you try, you will always find yourself locked into combat with an individual other. This combat is part of a war that consists of long talks in the car, taking frequent "walks", kissing, and the oh-so pretentious date. This  is known as the "relationship," and due to our expertise, we have decided you help you novice daters out. We have jointly composed a step by step guide to instigate a spark between you and that special someone this coming tuesday, which happens to be Valentines. You could call us the real-life version of Hitch, only there are two of us, and we are not black....yet. You may call us from henceforth, "The Dating Gurus."

Step 1: Acquiring the date
First when pursuing someone for a date, it is often times in your best interest to have showered recently and to be wearing some type of deodorizer. Sounds Simple enough, but you have gots to be smellin' fresh. Next confidence is crucial. Don't be afraid to be bold, and get straight to the point with whoever you have in your sights. Finally, and this part is rather important, do not forget to ask the interest on a date! Otherwise these other steps will be no good for you at all. It'll be like that time Shawn and Scott planned a date and then remembered they actually needed dates to go on that date (what a night).

Step 2: Picking up your date/getting picked up by your date
Dress to impress. There is absolutely no harm in being over dressed for your date. It makes them show that you actually care about them, and took the time to clean up a bit. (Also girls dig flowers and one of the best places to get flowers for cheap is at the Cemetery...that is if you have absolutely no conscience)  Always start off the date with a hug, because it is friendly, and it also means you cant go backwards in "The Action Progression," which sets yourself up well for Step 4. Note: Choose music that your date will enjoy, this probably means no heavy metal, hardcore rap, or country (unless of course they enjoy one of those genres), after all, it's not ALL about you.

Step 3: The Date
Depending on the activity and who else you are with other than your date, the date can vary along what we like to call the "Date Activity Scale For How Fun or Lame Your Date May or May Not Be."

Level 1-
This is the Category in which the lame dates fall. These are dates where you go sit and someone's house, and "play games", but really you are just wasting your night away with pointless activities or trying to decide what you want to do. Never ask your date what they want to do, it shows you were too lazy to plan anything, or you were too busy slaying dragons in Skyrim, or breeding them in Dragonvale. Not Cool.

Level 2-
This Category is where the date could've been really good, but it just didn't quite come together. If you are in high school, a dance could fall in this category. It could be because your date didn't talk to you on the group date, but the actual date and group were fun, or some tragedy befell somebody in your group, i.e. a car accident, stolen phone, etc. Also, a lame dinner and movie might fall into this level, depending the venue and film. To define a good venue, please refer to our post about food. Yum.

Level 3-
Imagine you are on an island with very little food, but very fun people. Now, imagine that you are on a date, with very little food, and very fun people. This would define a level 3 date on the "Date Activity Scale For How Fun or Lame Your Date May or May Not Be" Scale. Sidenote: In case you haven't noticed, food is pretty important, for everyone. A good dinner with quality ice cream to follow will fall into this level. If you get a snuggle in, then it automatically qualifies as a Level 3 date. ;)

Level 4-
This is the cream of the crop, the Beard of Zeus as far as dates are concerned, and just a very solid night where everything goes according to plan no matter the activity. These nights are comprised of a hearty meal, good company, and a cute date who you are interested in. There is no determining factor to prevent a date from being a Level 4, but it has to be a fun and memorable night. You have to get along well with the date, and you know you get along well when you cannot have an awkward moment.

Step 3b (random hints)-
If you go to a carnival, be sure to win a stuffed animal for your date. This may require practice beforehand, so unless you are really savvy at those rigged games, go to the carnival before your date. If you are going to go bowling, be sure to let your date win one game, and then pummel them in the other(s). If your date is a romantic and for some reason chose to do a picnic in the park on Valentines Day, be sure to dress warm.

Step 4: The Exit Strategy-
The Exit Strategy is simple, and will automatically give you the coveted "4" on the"Date Activity Scale For How Fun or Lame Your Date May or May Not Be" scale. What happens at the exit, stays at the exit (unless you go to Olympus High School, then everyone will know about it the next day). Before you decide on which "exit" move to initiate (and we know you know what we mean by "exit" move), you need to determine where your date falls on the "Hot/Crazy Scale" (see figure 1)

The crazier they are, the hotter they better be

This is Figure 1 by the way.

If you have determined that your date is a good combination on the "Hot/Crazy Scale," then you may want to initiate an "exit" move, which, if you haven't figured it out by now, is hugging/handshake/kissing/staying sassy farewell. Only one person has been lucky enough to have the "Staying Sassy Farewell." Don't ask Shawn about that one.

We wish you luck in your dating endeavors, and please give "The Dating Gurus" credit in your victory on the dating war-zone. 

.....Stay Sassy Minions, and make good, wise, comfortable, educated, clean, sophisticated decisions. 

Over and Out.

The Many Adventures of Shawn and Scott: How to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse

The Many Adventures of Shawn and Scott: How to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse: Based on our extended knowledge of zombies (acquired from movies and video games) and their behaviors, we have compiled a series of tips to ...

How to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse

Based on our extended knowledge of zombies (acquired from movies and video games) and their behaviors, we have compiled a series of tips to help you, our loyal supporters, survive an unavoidable zombie apocalypse. Here are some helpful hints that might save your hind parts.

1.) Be immune to whatever virus or the source of the outbreak. Our hints won't help you if you are already a zombie. DUH.

2.) Don't get bitten by someone who is infected. It may seem like common sense, but you would be surprised by how stupid some people are in respect to zombie trivia. I swear it should be common knowledge, but the bacteria responsible for the infection will spread to you from cut or bite administered by a zombie. As far as Zombies go, just look don't touch, or better yet, just shoot them (more on shooting in a minute).

3.) Before we get ahead of ourselves, GET A GUN, AND ALL THE AMMO YOU CAN FIND. Shawn recommends a shotgun and a simple AK-47, along with a revolver or some kind of pistol handy at all times. Scott recommends a hunting knife and a nail gun because he likes to live dangerously.

4.) This may seem like a no-brainer, but ALWAYS carry toilet paper. Just think about it.

5.) While on the topic of making potty-breaks, be sure to always have a bathroom buddy! It would be rather unfortunate for you if a zombie decided to come and snack on your tasty morsels while in mid-poop.

6.) There are those people who are just the roughest and toughest guys out there. Take Scott's dad, for example. Now, as soon as the apocalypse comes around, GO FIND THIS PERSON a.k.a. Shawn and Scott or the closest bada** you know! (sorry, this is a PG rated blog) They will most certainly aid you in your quest for survival.

7.) Be sure that you begin building your endurance now. Unless you are following Step 3 and arming yourself to the teeth, you need to be able to run as fast as you can, because not even the gingerbread man can run like the dickens from crazy man-eating zombies. Or maybe you just need to be faster than the people you are frequently with, if you catch my drift...  ;)

8.) Learn how to siphon gas from a car. This will prove to be a very useful trick in your future criminal endeavors and when you need to top off during the zombie apocalypse.

9.) I always like to end with a cliche, so remember kids, HAVE FUNN!!! If you are in fact able to have fun killing zombies, then you are one messed up person, and have a very good chance at survival.

That's all folks!!!

Stay Sassy

The Many Adventures of Shawn and Scott: Scott and Shawn on Airports

The Many Adventures of Shawn and Scott: Scott and Shawn on Airports: FUN FACT: If you were to spell out all of the numbers individually, you wouldn't come upon the letter "A" until you reach the number 1,000....

Scott and Shawn on Airports

FUN FACT:
If you were to spell out all of the numbers individually, you wouldn't come upon the letter "A" until you reach the number 1,000. ISN'T THAT NUTS?????????? (Thank you Annie Hoj for that incredible fun fact!)

Howdy y'all,
We were apart during christmas break for a few days so we figured we should fill you in our breaks real quick: Hawaii was excellent for Scott. The water was warm, the sun bronzed his skin, and best of all, there was more pineapple than his stomach could ever handle in a life time. Shawn's break was filled with two-a-day swimming and long lonely nights quietly counting down the hours until Scott flew in on New Years Eve at 10:15 A.M. (Shawn actually did pre-occupy himself with family and friends, funny enough). Before we get started on our rant on airports, Shawn recommends the Song "New Low" by Middle Class Rut, it is truly a great song.

So Scott, while he was probably in an airport, hopped on the blog and wrote this huge spiel on how much he hates them, the following are his thoughts on airports:

"There are all sorts of very strange people there that always look at you funny, even though they are the ones who are odd. People always seem to stare longer than necessary due to the fact they know they will never see you again, so why not linger on them a little longer? I won't even go into the funky smells of the airport because it would take too long, and I don't want to relive bad memories. Secondly, the seats on the planes are shaped in such a way that it is impossible to be comfortable even if you have the seat reclined. Boeing should definitely do some research concerning the dimensions of their seats because I know they could make bank if they would fix their seats."

Shawn seconds everything Scott says, and would like to add this bullet list of annoying/funny things he has seen at airports:

- Man in a suit wearing a....cowboy hat
- A Best-Buy Vending Machine
- Weird Artwork that no one ever wants to see, so it gets dumped in an airport.
     -Example: That freaking ugly horse that is in front of the Denver Airport.

     Yes, This is Real, and there is a rather Interesting Story Behind it.

- There is a Cinnabon in EVERY AIRPORT, this actually isn't annoying at all, or even weird, but yummy. :)

While the list goes on a bit longer, We don't want to bore you with all of the details, so with that we will leave you all once again! Stay true to yourselves, thanks for reading, and for whoever is interested, Shawn and Scott are now forming a coalition for the imminent end of the world via zombie outbreak that is coming this December. We Basically just need a lot of guns, a personal gas station, natural resources, etc. etc.

TTFN (Ta Ta For Now!!!)