We recently attended a lovely afternoon party, and we noticed some terrible faults with the system that is a simple dinner party. We were in a group of people that consisted of around 25 people of all ages. To be blunt, it was pretty awkward, but that fueled the entertainment and humor of this party. You see, there are ALWAYS stereotypical types of people at these types of occasions. We'd like to characterize these people and give you a little advice on how to associate with these (quote) "monkeys."
The Goon:
Our first specimen is what we like to call, "The Goon." This person appears occasionally in the general audience of the party, but for the most part, remains behind the scenes. We don't really know what they do away from the crowd, but they sure spend a lot of time doing whatever it is they do (in our case they were the silent type that was hoarding food). There is no definite way to solve a Goon problem, but they are not harmful to the party. It is not a contagious condition, but we recommend you keep your distance all the same.
The Monopoly Man:
Folks, hold onto your trousers, you're in for a rare specimen which we definitely spotted! In order to make sure that you have indeed sited a monopoly man, go through this checklist:
- A monopoly man wears a suit/trousers
- Has a very impressive Mustache
- Is over the age of 60*
- Appears to be wealthy
- Appears to be Jolly
*If they are under 50, but look like they could be 60, this is acceptable.
A monopoly man MUST meet all requirements. They are especially rare, so be sure to take your picture with one if you come upon the rare occurrence of meeting such a jolly fellow.
Mr. Bigshot:
Everyone knows who this guy is. He is the guy who is loud, obnoxious, and generally hangs out in an area where he will come in contact with a large number of people. Keep in mind, this could be a woman. We don't believe in limits by gender (at least in this case). This person will try to have lengthy conversation with you about how great they are. You will be sick of them after approximately 10 minutes. They get old real fast. The way to get away from this person is to ignore them, and walk away. Just say no. Then again, hurling something at this person will also convey the message that you don't want to talk, only in a different, more direct way.
Awkward Family Members:
Next, we have the family. Who are only invited via obligations. They are extremely easy to spot in the party habitat. They stick out like a red otter on a cold January morning...in the northwestern hemisphere when it is winter-time. We all know who they are, there is always those family members that just love to be a part of things, and there is really, no hope for them, and especially no hope for you if you find yourself locked into conversation with them. Our advice: AVOID AT ALL COSTS. They are like snakes, they don't want anything to do with you, and you don't want anything to do with them. And boom, the dynamite goes.
The Facilitator:
There is no escaping this person. You are his/her prey, because you, my friend(s), are at his/her party. The Facilitator can either be very, very, obnoxious, or very oblivious. It depends on the venue of the party and the personality of the host/hostess. The Facilitator will do one of two things; they will either check on you every couple minutes to see if your whims are cared for, or they will be ignoring all but a few of their guests, associating with a select few guests. The first is nervous about how the guests receive the party, and the second doesn't care any more and just wants to have a good time. Both can be good things, and both can also be equally bad. And when we say bad, we mean as bad as a mentally challenged bull who thinks he can tap dance. Nothing good will come of it and it is dangerous because of the bull's nasty temper.
We hope you enjoy the revival of our blog, and that you find our dinner party survival tips useful. Even though it was mostly warnings, but you won't have even noticed until you have read this very sentence. So read it again, and look for warnings. Because we are much to lazy to fix the beginning of this post.
We want to go on a bicycle ride now, and none of you can stop us.
Toodles!!!!!!!!!!!!!
